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Last week, I found myself at Cafe Gratitude in Los Angeles, eating a gluten-free scone and fuming about gender, as one does in Life is more free now. Lori sipped her green juice and rolled her eyes. Claire admitted that this was not a bucket-list moment for her.

Ride a dildo. Unlike standard silicone toys, which degrade over time and contain chemicals, crystal toys are made from pure all-natural stone and can last a lifetime which certainly helps one rationalise the exorbitant price tag. It only makes sense then, that the next logical step would be to put one up your vag. Not one to shun the trends, or spend my paycheque wisely, I decided to find out what the craze was all about, firsthand. And if I ended up aligning a few chakras in the process, and perhaps casting off the Spirit of Fuckboys Past? My second trepidation is the fact that the crystal is very cold. Here goes.

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